I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
jump out the window naked night went bad
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
