Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
