Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
