The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm getting married
To pizza
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
