She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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