I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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