yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
