While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
