there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
