If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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