did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
