he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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