I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
