Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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