He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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