Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
