apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
