I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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