Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
