Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
These tits shall not be calmed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
