I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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