I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
