I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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