I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
