everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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