You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
