First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
