wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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