it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
did i walk over a car last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
