So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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