God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
