I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
