An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
