Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
