he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
