the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
