So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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