Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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