Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
