If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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