CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
