I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
