I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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