You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
