if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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