So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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