i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize