My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
