we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
