sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
