Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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