Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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