as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
