i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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