Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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