I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
