I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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