She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
