I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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