I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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