i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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