Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
