I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
