I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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