her vagine was all disorganized.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
