PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
