Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
