my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
